This is really dumb but I thought I should share with everyone my ironic insight. I think its kinda funny I have an atmospheric lab test that I’m studying for and Im watching Smallville at the same time. Who knew that learning atmospheric terms could give me more understanding on the tv show haha. that is all(:
This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions
No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something
Im tired of feeling like this, feeling empty, alone, insignificant, these feelings go off and on everyday. I try to keep myself distracted but when the lights go off everything comes out and I cant forget any more because its just me and my thoughts. there is this constant internal battle going on inside of me and I don’t know if its just me entangling my mind or the devil or both, but I’m tired of being this way, constantly fighting myself. all I want is to have my full faith back in God, but I keep myself from having that relationship. All I really want is for someone to walk in the room and say “I see Jesus in her” but my own self struggle is holding me back. it’s just so hard to feel a certain way about yourself when you know your not worthy. I have been doubting myself and it has turned into doubting God, because I feel like he hasn’t “fixed” me. and somedays I fully feel God and love him so much and other days I just doubt him and pretend like his not there. Then I begin to feel guilty for denying him, but all I really want to do is be with Jesus and not in this world, it would be so much easier if I could be with him but we were meant to live in this world but not be of it. and I guess thats the battle of living for jesus is to keep your faith throughout this crazy world. John says, “I have given them you word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.” John 17:14-15 and I’m positive every christian struggles with living in this world and not becoming it, but it’s so difficult to not cross that line, especially when you start to believe, how the world perceives you.
I just wanna run to you and break off the chains and throw them away
I just wanna be so much and shake off the dust that turned me to rust
Lights